Is it appropriate to give a religious-themed birthday card to a recipient of another faith?

My grandmother always sends me religious-themed birthday cards, knowing that I am of a different faith than she is. I appreciate her thoughtfulness but am hurt by her obvious disregard for me and my choices.





I can't talk to her about it because she's very manipulative and blow everything out of proportion, make me feel extremely guilty and then go tell the rest of the extended family (700+ people) about it.





I am considering "accidentally" sending her a religious greeting card (for people of my religion) for her birthday, but feel this may start a quarrel. Is there proper etiquette for this situation and if so, what is it?

Is it appropriate to give a religious-themed birthday card to a recipient of another faith?
Proper etiquette...In this situation you really need to take a good look at things, and view the conditions from as many perspectives as possible. You must carefully consider the possible outcomes. You should respect her beliefs, whether she chooses to respect yours or not. Love and respect her for who she is as a person, irrespective of her faith. By sending her a religious greeting card for the people of your religion would only result in your stooping down to her level. Be the mature adult here, and don't let her disregard bother you, and just be accepting and respectful of her beliefs, whether you agree with those beliefs or not.





You're absolutely right, this should not be a matter of religeous differences, but a matter of etiquette, or, moreover, religous etiquette.





Is it possible for you and your husband to calmly speak with your grandmother about these differences, and tell her you feel hurt by her unacceptance? You're her grandchild after all, should she not accept you for who you are, irrespective of your beliefs?





As long as you are comfortable with who you are, strongly believe in what you believe, and accept your grandmother for who she is, there's no reason her improper etiquette should bother you. I realize this is easier said than done.





I wish you well in this, and I believe that talking things out with your grandmother would be the best way to go, or possibly writing her a letter. Be kind and genuine, but realize when you do need to put your foot down.





Good luck,





Sincerely,





Kiara
Reply:Thanks...And good for you!! Report Abuse

Reply:I doubt that your grandma is trying to disrespect you. She is just a little old lady meaning no harm. Possibly senile. Age and health changes people. Report Abuse

Reply:honiebyrd is right! Report Abuse

Reply:Straw or no straw breaking the camel's back, it's still petty to get so worked up over a piece of paper. The fact you want to "accidentally" send a similar card is nothing short of immaturity. If you're an adult, act like one. And do so by realizing a card can't control your life. Report Abuse

Reply:I am sure that the card reflected her beliefs of the decades of practicing her religion. Maybe she does not understand the reasons why you dont believe as she does. Good luck in the future and accept people as they are for the time you are with them. Report Abuse

Reply:Certainly you're not a petty teenager! You just have strong views, and good for you! I respect people who can show their strong opinions in such a way that they don't come across as arrogant or Report Abuse

Reply:overly-opinionated, gain, good for you! And best of luck in your relationship with your grandmother.





Kiara Report Abuse

Reply:Everybody has moments where they wish to lash out another person, that doesn't mean they're immature, just human. It's how they do end up acting that represents maturity or the lack of. Considering which answer was chosen best, I have no doubt that the mature approach will be taken. Report Abuse

Reply:Well the *desire* to act out in that way certainly isn't a mature desire, no matter if everyone has those moments or not. So that can only mean it's immature. A mature person would realize that desire was immature... Report Abuse

Reply:...and be thankful they were mature enough to realize it was immature and not act on it. Report Abuse

Reply:I have no doubt a mature approach will be taken either. But this ultimately didn't start out that way, it started with the fact a person couldn't handle certain cards. Pick and choose your battles. This is hardly a battle worth fighting. It took over 200 answers to realize that. Report Abuse

Reply:The main point is, do not act upon false accusations or on hateful feelings. Report Abuse

Reply:Grandmother obviously has issues; don't make them yours. If you do, it's a win (for her)/lose (for you) situation.
Reply:See, this is a very difficult issue. I've been in this situation many times myself. But you should remember that no matter what, you can never change the world or its inhabitants. I understan how this may have offended you, as it would have offended me as well. The problem is that religion is the biggest quarrel of the world. People will never agree to the differences. But sometimes, the best thing to do is to just accept who someone is, and just move on. Its a hard thing to do, but it will save A LOT of struggle in the future!
Reply:Just accept it as it was intended. If she didn't love you, you wouldn't be getting any cards. She is sending you a card based on HER faith. If you were of a faith that didn't believe in ostracized God, would you expect her to send you a card of that faith. One thing I've noticed from years in the corporate world is that companies have been taking on this air of 'political correctness' and now everyone is afraid of offending everyone else. Political correctness has people doing their best not to offend anyone but yet I get offended when I'm told that I can't send out Christmas cards but they have to be Holiday cards. If everyone were politically correct they would understand that I am sending based on my faith. Accept the card as it was intended.
Reply:She is your grandmother, right? Out of respect for her and yourself, just throw it away. Does your religion encourage respect, tolerance, love, and patience? You may have to practice more than she does.
Reply:It basically is cross culture.I mean why is it that we will always


say "Merry Christmas" or have Christmas commercials on TV.


Its like that.People really do not consider Christmas a religious


fest anymore but a cultural festival.Afte all its your grandmother


so im sue she will understand.If there was another person maybe


an Athiest who got that card I would start to worry.If it really


has some meaningfull quote from a religious text like "and god


said let there be light" I don't thnk its really that harmfull I mean


heck we have light and god is said to create everything in the Universe no matter what faith.Maybe if it was rather not a philisophical quote that is not harmful to whatever religion like the given example I would worry.Like if it sent a message saying


"Allha a Akbar" (Allah is great) then I think it may be somewhat


offensive or if it sends a message that praises your religion or


sondemns your grandma's or praises your lord alone.It all really


depends on if it is philisophical and has a harmless view point like Christmas holiday in which you can never find a hint of religion unless studied.But again remember she is family.Unless


you are used to her starting issues I would be afraid.If


she is generally nice then your good.If I had just a little more info like how nice or mean your grandmother is or your faith I could answer better.
Reply:Send her an atheist birthday card, if there is such a thing. It might get the point through her apparently thick skull.





Non-religious cards are very appropriate for what is called the holiday season in this country. Did you notice how excited the Christians all got when stores began to use "Happy Holidays" last year instead of Merry Christmas? Such arrogance - and insecurity - to presume that one particular religion has a lock on the Winter Solstice, which is where Christmas got its start.





A solstice card applies to everyone on earth, allowing the recipients to interpret it as they will and giving offense only to the most intolerant among us. Something to think about.
Reply:I understand where your going here, but my thoughts are simple. Religion to me strickly represents a place in which you go to worship. What you believe is the important issue. Do you and the gparent believe the same facts? There are alot of religous cards out there that don't specifically name a certain religion, those are perfect cards for even unbelievers of all kinds. You want to send something that you yourself would enjoy receiving. Thats how I do my cards as well as gifts. Good Luck..
Reply:no, idon't think so
Reply:I understand how you feel. My family (mother's side) was trying to convert me into a chirstian when i was 14. When i said i was not ready, they told me i was not part of the family (during a family dinner), that i was a slut and a prostitute if i did not convert. My mother said i was not her daughter and she dragged me to the church to be baptised and confirmed even though i had a continuos high fever which she ignored my health and blamed it on the devil. How sweet.
Reply:leave your gran. alone about it,smile respect your elders.


her card is a reflection of her beliefs.right? remember that she will pass b4 you.let her b happy. I promise it will come back 2 you many times over.
Reply:Many religions teach us to treat others as we would wish to be treated, and to refrain from treating others as we would NOT wish to be treated. If this is true of your beliefs, then it would be wrong by your own faith to send your grandmother such a card. Instead, be glad that she has thought to remember you on your birthday, and be happy that her good wishes are with you, however she chooses to express them.
Reply:hmmm.. well its never nice to have revenge. but, I would send a card of your belief. Or, maybe you should just let yourself cool down a bit, let your grandma give you all the religous cards she wants to and don't take offense at it, just simply let her. it may annoy you, but what is more important, your grandma or some issue over cards? I think that one or three religous cards a year won't be too bad. try to talk to her and see how she feels, and then tell her how you feel, try to talk about it calmly without offense.
Reply:All in all, its your family...don't let her get to you because it could be alot worse then you just getting a card from her! Don't send the card because you obviously know her well enough that it may get out of hand and that's the last thing you need. I think you are answering your own question but feel like just getting back at her.
Reply:Hey- you are right. it is insensitive and improper to send a religious card to someone of another faith.





That being said- hello! its your grandma! grandparents can be crazy! they are from a different generation and are set in their ways! she is not going to stop trying to "save you". so just deal with it.





seriously. just be gracious. i can't believe you are considering "getting back at" your grandma! thats wrong on so many levels.





besides, its not like she has to send you anything. you should be grateful to have a grandma that cares about you and focus your attention on more important things.
Reply:I know how you feel--I'm buddhist, and ALL of my co-workers and friends insist on getting me religious themed cards... I would send her a card from your faith, but don't make it seem negative or snyde. as long as you send it with good intentions, then there is no reason for it to cause trouble.
Reply:Let your dear ol' Gran do what she does...she's old fashioned and doesn't understand your choice to change your beliefs. In her mind, you are what you are, and you don't go changin' it. I wouldn't start a quarrel with her. Just accept it, and be glad she sends you birthday wishes!
Reply:i don't believe there's anything wrong with it. send her back a card and let her do the same. i mean, if it says god bless or something, that's no big deal. if it says


allah al akbar(i just know i butchered that, sorry!) again, there really isn't a problem. it's just someone trying to be nice. even a nice old yahweh(sorry again) bless you on your day of birth is fine. i'm not certain it's a disregard-she believes in it, and if she believes it, then her god is obviously just saying, have a happy birthday! and with most religions, people believe that others without that faith won't be going to the...nice places. it's too bad it offends you, but i'm sure she just wants to reach you...however, i'm sure if you told her, she'd just pick up a plain happy birthday card. of course, that won't stop her from writing something like god bless you in it, because her religion is a part of who she is, just like yours is of you, and it's going to come out in the way she acts no matter what...but i really wanna know what u mean by religious birthday cards. i'm not sure i understand, cuz God doesn't necessarily mean the christian one, it could mean allah or yahweh...i suppose it wouldn't go with buddhism...
Reply:My personal opinion... in general, the answer is no. But as I read your question, I think it the circumstances are different as it is from your grandmother. Whether she is right or wrong, she is showing you that she loves you and is trying to share her faith with you. It might be a fine line between love/ manipulation/ guilt but family relationships are never easy.





In your situation, I think it would be insensitive to 'accidentally' send her a religious card to 'pick a fight'. If you find a card that reflects your religion (not hers) and find that it fits the sentiment of the situation appropriately, then it might be okay.





I'd suggest not to start any 'religious quarrels'. I am giving her the benefit of the doubt that she is acting out of love, even if she is acting inappropriately. (Seems like we need to and should give family that benefit of the doubt). So whatever you do, do it out of love for her, and not out of spite. And if a quarrel should start, it can then be an opportunity for you to talk openly and honestly about your faith to your grandmother... as opposed to her percieving you as acting ignorant and insensitive yourself.
Reply:I send my blessings on your response to send the card in kind. Maybe she will get the hint after that.
Reply:Well first I would say that you shouldn't send her a card relating to your opposing faith because that would not only be poor taste but it would reflect poorly on your own faith, just as her actions reflect poorly on hers.





The thing is though that most people believe in a religion because of a precieved benifit that she is, in her own way, trying to pass on to you. Though her efforts are slightly misguided I would imagine that they are genuine.





I understand how manipulative people can be so if talking it out with her is truely impossible then I would recomend that you laugh the cards off as best you can and put them behind you.
Reply:She might not like the religion card about you.


Just give her a regular card.
Reply:Be nice.Be respectful it's your grandmother.Who will care after shes gone?You love her.
Reply:Hi Avie, what a thoughtful question you ask. It would hurt my feelings too, if I felt like a relative was disregarding my beliefs. I'd say it's rather tacky for her to be sending cards like that, but...





Honestly, I'd try to let it go. It's my experience with older relatives that it can sometimes be very hard to get through them. Sounds like there is love on all sides here, and if you're able to, try to "rise above," and just see this as a little foible of her's. I think sending her a greeting card of your religion would only make matters worse, even though it might help you feel like you're blowing off some steam.





If you can, just give her a mental hug when you get her cards, appreciate the love she feels for you, and recognize that virtually all religions have the same basic teachings (love, respect, etc.) It's rather tacky for her to be sending you cards like that, but try to see the cards with loving eyes, sigh, shrug your shoulders, shake your head, and be appreciative of having her in your life, foibles and all.





That's my 2 cents!
Reply:it's rude and inconsiderate to others, don't do that chances are you wouldn't want someone to do the same thing to you so why would you want them to do it to them, that's wrong all together. it's different if it's your gradmother sending you a card, cause she's known you your whole life she knows everything there is to know,she's your grandmother why would you want to start a stupid quarrel or a stupid card that you don't even seem to care about?
Reply:If we wish to send a message (show her what it is like) or be a little vindictive, then do it.





However, I think you should consider how you feel when you receive such cards from her.





Also, I think you should consider whether your religion would embrace such actions or whether the use of your religion to initiate a quarrel or tension is proper.





You might just have to be the bigger person.
Reply:Wow. This is a very difficult question. I don't believe birthday cards should be religiously themed at all.
Reply:your grandma must be wants the best for you, so she send such that card. I think that's okay and no problem with that kind of card but you shouldn't offend anyone with your card
Reply:While it could be viewed as inappropriate, especially if you've told her not to, chances are you won't be able to change her. If she's old and religious she's pretty stuck in her thinking. She probably hopes, deep down that you'll come around to her way of thinking.





In the end, just be glad that you have a grandma. Many people do not. I don't have any grandparents.





If you need to, feel free to send her a card from your faith. But what's important is the INTENT. If the two of you are sending cards back and forth not out of love and compassion but rather to change each other, neither of you are honest and truly honoring what the card signifies.
Reply:Too many people worry about everything..


Send any card you feel like, if they don't like it they can put it in the bin.....
Reply:Forget about it. Your grandmother obviously loves you, so just be thankful for her. She probably doesn't approve of your religious beliefs, but so what? She's elderly, and she's not going to change her opinions about anything, so just let it go. It's really not a big deal. You don't need to send her a card for people of your religion to make a point, because you have made your point by choosing your own religion, no matter what your family thinks of it. I know you're hurt because you don't have her approval in regard to your choices, but you can't make everybody happy all the time, can you? Just love your family and be thankful for them. I wish I had a grandmother to love me, and I also wish I had 700 relatives too.